


Lisa

by goodkidreprise



Series: Two Player Game [2]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-12 19:33:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18453179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodkidreprise/pseuds/goodkidreprise
Summary: inspired by the song "lisa" by george salazar & joe iconis





	Lisa

**Author's Note:**

> its short but well

matteo was sure from the start that he was going to fail. the problem weren't his bad grades, he was actually a pretty good student until he found out that he had a crush on his best friend. he shouldn't get worse in school though, because he still tried to study hard, but it just never got inside his brain. if this doesn't stop, matteo won't ever have a future. whenever he got stressed, it wasn't good. he would bite his nails, get angry at his mom and his friends. he just didn't know what to do. 

sometimes, he wishes, his dad would still live in germany. he could help with his school problems. not like he ever cared before the divorce. his mom tried _everything_ to make him stay. they even went to family therapy, which was a total waste of time. one time though, his dad got really angry at the therapist that tried to help them. tried was the keyword here, because all of the therapists they went to didn't help. at all.

after his mom described how matteo would just get sad sometimes and then was happy again the next week or day, the therapist would say some word and told him that's what he felt. he forgot what it was called, because matteo's dad drilled into him that this wasn't him, so he believed it.

"how about... you and i move to italy after the divorce?" his dad asked a while later. matteo would say no, he couldn't leave his friends and his mom, his dad would he disappointed and leave him without a goodbye.

david left, matteo thought, just like his dad. but if he's being honest? he deserved it. he treated sara like shit, used her and broke up with her per text. he deserved the same, perhaps even worse. why was david even interested in him? there was barely anything matteo liked about himself. sure, he told sara he was charming and had pretty eyes, but he never really thought that was true.

matteo thought back to that saturday, david and he laying in bad, playing around, kissing. he was so happy, he wished it would've never ended, but it did. everything matteo hated about himself was ignored by david, he didn't care. he laughed and smiled, put his fingers through matteo's messy hair. but now he knew why david didn't want to kiss him on thursday, david was ashamed of him. 

on that saturday, matteo told david that he didn't want to be lonely, that he felt so _so_ lonely sometimes. david didn't understand, because he liekd to be alone and he still had his sister, but he still said that he knew that feeling.

when matteo and david would text, they'd always send each other memes. well, matteo sent most of them, but david would always send a "lol" or "haha" back. he never pretended, or at least matteo thought so. he thought the other boy liked him for some reason. 

he _knows_ there are better people than him out there, especially for david and sara, but he still wanted to be loved. he knew he wasn't good enough, but he knew that david was. and if matteo was david? well, he would hate himself, too. 

but, he couldn't lie about that, he didn't want david to hate him. he was the first guy matteo could be open with, and after this? probably also the last.

matteo wanted to change himself, change, so david could like, perhaps even love him. but what did david like? it seemed that he liked matteo, but he didn't now, so what made him change his mind? even if matteo did know, he couldn't change anything about himself, no matter what it was or how hard he tried. 

matteo didn't deserve david. never did, never will. he doesn't deserve david's tenderness, his love.

**Author's Note:**

> the "david left, matteo thought, just like his dad" line is inspired by the mean girls musical because the musical and movie? both amazing


End file.
